What is Resilience?
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? WRONG. Sometimes things that push us to our limits actually crush a small part of us and leave us just a bit less than we were. Whether it’s a heartbreak that leaves us guarded and closed off, a rejection that plants a seed of insecurity and doubt, or even a physical injury that results in lifelong chronic pain; things that don’t kill us can really, really hurt us.
But like the Japanese art of kintsugi, if we can rebound more beautifully after a hurt, if these life pains do make us stronger, then we have achieved resilience and we will thrive, no matter what life throws our way. Resilience is not simply carrying on despite hardship. True resilience is experiencing hardship and coming out the other side even better for having endured it. This is not an automatic trait. Building resilience takes work - and one of the hardest kinds of work: emotional. As we learned in Practicing Practicing, the best way to improve anything is through the messy, uncomfortable work of practice. And when the thing you want to get better at is itself painful… that’s a rough combo.
Which is exactly why injecting FUN into the equation is key.
How do we use it in theatre?
There are the obvious markers of resilience in theatre: forgotten lines, technical mishaps, and other unexpected complications that actors and theatre-makers need to contend with on the fly. But there are so many more layers to the resilience required to make theatre. As actors, sometimes our work can hit a little close to home. We need to hold our character’s truth in on hand, and our own in the other. This balancing act is tough, but teaches a great deal about self preservation, and makes that small piece of us more resilient to future encounters. Most of the time, the process of creating theatre is incredibly joyous. But sometimes, let’s be honest, the space between the magic (waiting backstage, waiting for designers to tech, waiting for opening… lots of waiting) can be a bit… well, boring. Pushing through these moments for the sake of a thing we love is definitely resilience building.
Why is it important in life?
Raise your hand if life has gone exactly as you expected every day.
Yeah, me either. When life throws a curve ball, we can stress and bristle and fret, or we can grow and learn and progress. It’s probably obvious to everyone that learning and growth is the path toward success. And yet, all of our lives are still full of pain that sets us back. And that’s ok! It’s human. And what’s more, every time we aren’t totally resilient, it’s a chance to get better at being resilient. The world is full of things trying to kill us (physically, emotionally, mentally). So let’s equip our kids and ourselves with the tools we need to grow stronger from it.
How can I bring this skill home?
Tots/Pre-K
When your child struggles with something (zipping a jacket, climbing on the playground, making a new friend) resist the urge to jump right in and help. Validate their struggle and encourage them to keep trying (“I know, it IS hard. And you can do hard things.”) Ultimately, you may need to step in and help. When you do, reflect on the work they put in and how you bet soon it will feel a little less hard.
Elementary School
Try a Drama Spot favorite, “Fortunately, Unfortunately.” In this storytelling game, all players take turns adding to a story. After the story starter, every other sentence starts with either “Fortunately…” or “Unfortunately…” For example the story may go:
Mom: Once there was an alien who came to Earth.
Jesse: Fortunately, he met some really nice humans.
Dad: Unfortunately, they were just manequins at a department store.
Mom: Fortunately, the alien brought just enough money to buy new clothes.
Jess: Unfortunately, none of the clothes fit him.
Middle and High School
It’s time for family game night! Play a round (or 5) of Jenga. This is a fantastic game to pull abstract resilience into the physical world. Play a regular round, then a teamwork ound (where the goal is to work as a group to make the tower grow as tall as possible), then a round with one hand behind your back. Too easy? Work in pairs, but one person closes their eyes and is blindly guided by their teammate’s voice to remove a block.
